I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
