Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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