Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
