Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
