People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize