I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
