I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
