Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize