with your own penis?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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