It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
