dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
