Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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