Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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