I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
