We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
