I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
