Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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