Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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