I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
