Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
