If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
