i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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