Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
