I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
no, he came in my armpit
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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