We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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