Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
