party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize