You're my little dorito
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
