Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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