Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
