I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Pooping to opera.
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