I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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