i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize