So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
