she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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