I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
