Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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