so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
