my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
