we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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