Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am puke
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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