he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize