Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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