There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
