Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
