Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize