you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
