She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
