fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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