I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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