look no pants
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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