we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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