He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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