I just threw up on my dentist
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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