My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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