Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
