Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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