You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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