PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
