how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
