singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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