Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
someone threw a dead crab at me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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