haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize