Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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