your room smells of hookers.
And success
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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