At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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