Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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