he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
