I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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