I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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