I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
