I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
