My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
