I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
