my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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