i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
