There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Thank you for not boning my boss.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
