ugly people sure do ruin things
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
