covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
