Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
